Chronicles of a Spiky Haired Baka
by Azdio
Summary: A very crazy story told from Goku's point of veiw. Caffeine, Video games, stupidity, and absolute insanity!


Yeah, I know I have two other fanfics that I haven't worked on in weeks. Unfortunately, my muse has been slacking off lately. (In other words, WRITER'S BLOCK! AHH!!!). However, I did have a pretty good idea for a new story, and I hope you guys like it.  
  
Also, I'm going to say here and now that in this fanfic, I have exaggerated Goku's ignorance quite a bit. Personally, I think that's what makes these types of fics funny, but someone pointed out otherwise. In other words, if you don't like stories where Goku is a brainless baka, then you probably won't like this one.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, Starbucks, or anything else I might have missed. I only own this story, so DO NOT SUE!  
  
***  
  
The alarm clock went off. Ungh... it's so early. Why does Chichi always have to get up so early? I was having a dream. It was a good dream. I had all these sandwiches, and they tasted really, really good! And there were millions of them! I just kept eating them and eating them and eating them and eating them and...  
  
Heh heh heh. Sorry. I get carried away sometimes. Anyway, the alarm clock thingy was going off. I didn't know how to shut the thing off, and it was getting kinda annoying, so I did the only thing I could think of.  
  
"ABRA KADABRA! TURN OFF, ALARM CLOCK THINGY!"  
  
I sat there waving my fingers at the noisy little clock thingy for a few seconds. Heh heh... just like the magician that came to Goten's birthday party last year.  
  
"GOKU! WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET?!!"  
  
I don't know why Chichi was so mad at me. I did what anybody in the same situation would've done, right?  
  
"Goku, what are you doing?" Chichi asked. She sounded kinda annoyed.  
  
"Turning off the alarm clock" I replied.  
  
Chichi gave me the raised eyebrow.  
  
"By waving your hands at it?"  
  
"Yup!"  
  
She sighed heavily. What? It worked for the magician. Well, sort of. Actually, he used those magic words to pull a cute little bunny rabbit out of his hat, but this was basically the same thing, right? Right?!!  
  
Apparently not. Chichi got up and turned off the alarm clock. Turns out that all you have to do to stop the bleepy noise is push a little black button. Chichi is so amazing! I never would've figured that out!  
  
"Well, I'd better go make breakfast."  
  
YAY! Food! I love Chichi's cooking. Every morning she makes me, Gohan, and Goten fried rice, and eggs, and bacon, and toast, and cereal, and house plants! Well, actually, Chichi says I'm not supposed to eat her house plants. I can't help it, though! They taste really good!  
  
I got dressed and ran downstairs. Food! I could smell it! I could smell something else, too. It was... COFFEE! Wait... Chichi doesn't let me have coffee. She says it'll do bad things to me if I drink it. Yeah... I remember this one time; I asked Chichi why she drinks coffee if it does bad things to you, and she said that not drinking coffee does bad things to her, and so I asked if I could have some, and she said I couldn't because it would do bad things to me, and I asked why it would do bad things to me but not her, and she said I wouldn't understand. That makes me sad. Aww, man. Now I'm all depressed and stuff. I don't know why she doesn't let me drink coffee. You know, she doesn't let Goten drink coffee either. She says he's too young, and he doesn't need it. But Gohan drinks coffee and-  
  
HEY! How come Chichi and Gohan can have coffee, but not me and Goten? That's no fair. Note to self: Ask Chichi about coffee again.  
  
Uhh... anyway. I wandered off topic again. Sorry! At this point, Gohan came down the stairs. He looked all tired and stuff. He's always like that in the morning. Chichi started talking to him.  
  
"Good morning, dear!"  
  
"Ungh... need coffee."  
  
"Oh, sure. I already made some. Help yourself."  
  
"Thanks"  
  
Gohan yawned and poured himself a cup of the mysterious coffee. Which reminded me...  
  
"Chichi? How come you and Gohan can drink coffee, but me and Goten can't? I wanna try some coffee!"  
  
Chichi just sighed. I hate it when she does that. It makes me feel guilty... like I've done something wrong.  
  
"Goku , we've been through this already. Caffeine... wouldn't be good for you. And Goten's too young for it. He's only seven, after all"  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts."  
  
Chichi finished cooking breakfast and set all the plates on the table.  
  
"Goku? I have some errands to run today. Can you watch Goten while I'm gone?" she asked me.  
  
"Sure!"  
  
Ok, so my response was more like, "FRRRRFF", but that's just because my mouth was full of food then. I had to resort to nodding instead. I guess that was fine, though, 'cause Chichi left then.  
  
Gohan stood up.  
  
"I'd probably better leave too. I'm gonna be late for school"  
  
"You're not having any breakfast?!!"  
  
"Nah. Don't have the time. See ya, dad!"  
  
He left.  
  
Without  
  
Any  
  
Breakfast.  
  
AAAAAHHHHH!!! This came as a complete shock to me. Gohan? Not eating? That was totally unheard of! He always eats breakfast, even if he is running a little late.  
  
Apparently Goten came downstairs then, 'cause the next thing I knew, he was tugging on my pant leg.  
  
"Hey daddy? Can I have some breakfast?"  
  
"Sure! You can have Gohan's, since he didn't eat his!"  
  
Well... I was still eating. This time, my response sounded kinda like "Fruh! Oo kn favv Ohan'ff, inf e i-unt reef irf!" I guess that Goten understood it, though. He started on his half of the mountain of food. We were finished eating in about five more minutes.  
  
And then, I saw it.  
  
In all its glory.  
  
Sitting there, unguarded on the table top.  
  
Coffee!  
  
There was half a pot of coffee RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! And Chichi wasn't there to stop me! But wait... ooooohhh. Feeling guilty again! Goten must've noticed, too. He spoke up then.  
  
"There's half a pot of coffee right there"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"Mom's never let us have coffee before"  
  
"Nope"  
  
"But she's not here to stop us"  
  
"Nope"  
  
We sat there in silence for about five more seconds, and then...  
  
"Wanna try some?"  
  
"Wanna try some?"  
  
We both said it at the exact same time. Kinda creepy, the way me and Goten are so similar. We both grinned at each other in agreement. I poured us each a cup.  
  
The first thing I thought when I took that first sip was "Gross! This stuff tastes bad!" But then a couple seconds later I started to feel... happy. Hyper, even. I took another sip. And another. Then I took a big swig and finished it off. I felt like that one time when I ate all the candy at the store around Christmas. I was all hyper and happy. I looked over at Goten, who had just finished his cup. He was grinning from ear to ear. I poured us each another cup. And another. Until there was none left. By this point, we were both all but bouncing off the walls. Goten started laughing.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I like coffee!"  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Me too!"  
  
This coffee stuff was GREAT! The best thing since pizza! No, the best thing since chocolate!  
  
"Why don't we invite some friends over?" Goten suggested.  
  
"What a great idea!"  
  
"Yeah, let's invite Trunks!"  
  
"And Veggie!"  
  
"Yeah, he REALLY needs to experience the joys of coffee!"  
  
I dialed the number on the phone. Vegeta, of all people, really needed to try some coffee. He should be happy like us! Not all grouchy. Yeah... he just needed some of our happy drink! I listened to the phone ringing on the other end. He he he. I like that sound. It reminds me of Jingle Bells! That's my favorite Christmas song EVER! In fact, I think I'll sing it now!  
  
"Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the-"  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Bulma's voice snapped me back to reality. Oh, yeah. I remembered what I was supposed to be doing.  
  
"Hi Bulma! It's Goku!"  
  
"Oh, hi Goku! Whatcha need?"  
  
"Goten and I wanted to know if Trunks and Vegeta could come over today"  
  
"Sure! They'll be over in fifteen. Bye!"  
  
"Bye!"  
  
I hung up the phone. Why do they call it "Hanging up", when really you're putting the phone down? That's silly. English is a silly language. Oh well.  
  
Goten and I played video games while we waited for Trunks and lil' Veggie to get here. Goten beat me every time, but who cares? I was HAPPY! NOTHING could spoil my day! I was even happier when I heard the doorbell ring. Goten and I jumped up and raced for the door. I got there first.  
  
Trunks was looking pretty happy when I opened the door to let him in.  
  
"Hi, Mr. Goten's dad!"  
  
He stepped inside, and ran over to the couch to play video games with Goten. Vegeta was just standing outside, arms crossed and scowling. He looked really grumpy. Vegeta always looks grumpy. For as long as I ever knew him, he seemed to be permanently mad about something. I was hoping to change that today with some of the magical coffee.  
  
"Hi Veggie! Come on in!"  
  
"I only came here because that stupid woman forced me to, Kakarot. What do you want, anyway?"  
  
"Me and Goten have something to show you!"  
  
I pulled him inside and told Goten it was time to show Trunks and Vegeta our happy drink. We ran into the kitchen, and I got out the can of coffee... stuff that Chichi uses every day.  
  
"What is it?" Trunks asked.  
  
"It's coffee!" Goten and I answered at the same time.  
  
"You mean you bakas interrupted my training to show me coffee?!!"  
  
Vegeta didn't seem too happy at all. He needed coffee right away! There was one problem, though...  
  
"The problem is, we don't know how to make coffee" I explained.  
  
"Yeah, do either of you know how to make it?" Goten asked.  
  
Trunks shook his head. Vegeta just scowled at me.  
  
"How should I know? Bulma always makes my coffee" was Vegeta's reply.  
  
"You mean... you drink coffee?"  
  
"Every morning"  
  
I was in shock. How could Veggie drink the fabulous coffee and still be so grumpy? He must not have been drinking enough. Yeah, that had to be it!  
  
"Well... we have to get coffee somehow!" Goten exclaimed.  
  
Vegeta growled in annoyance. "Why don't you just go to Starbucks? There's one not far from here."  
  
"What a great idea!" Goten, Trunks and I all screamed at the same time. I grabbed Vegeta and we all flew to Starbucks.  
  
Have you ever been to Starbucks before! It's so awesome! They have coffee! LOTS OF COFFEE! HA HA HA HA HA!!! Vegeta sat there sipping his cup while the rest of us downed a cup per minute. Then we had a coffee chugging contest. Trunks won. Heh, who'd have thought an eight year old could drink so much?  
  
After a quick stop at the bathroom, Goten Trunks and I flew off. I couldn't help but think we were forgetting something. Oh well.  
  
EPILOGUE:  
  
After Goku, Goten and Trunks left, Vegeta was left to pay the bill for the 50+ cups of coffee that they consumed. Not having the good sense to carry cash around, Vegeta was forced to pay with the credit card he stole from Bulma.  
  
Goku, Goten, and Trunks threw a wild party while under the effects of the caffeine, which involved TP'ing half of West City, watching "Spaceballs" nine times in a row, spray painting various pictures on Goku and Chichi's bedroom walls, and launching an uprooted tree out of a giant slingshot (don't ask).  
  
All three of them were thrown in the insane asylum four times that day. They escaped each time. They were later arrested for vandalism and the harassment of a plastic squeak toy.  
  
Chichi found out about the coffee incident when she got home. After bailing them out of Juvenile Hall (yes, Goku was there too, since he acts more like a kid than an adult), she put a dog leash on Goku and chained him to a tree in the backyard. He had to sleep out there for three days, which is how long it took the caffeine to wear off completely. Goku also took a blow from Chichi's Frying-Pan-of-DOOM. Goten was grounded for one week.  
  
Bulma was not happy when she found out about the coffee episode either. Trunks lost his video game privileges for a month. Vegeta lost his Gravity Room privileges, and still does not have them back to this day. This is not only because he let Goku, Goten, and Trunks have coffee (none of them are allowed to have caffeine ever again, by the way), but also because he stole Bulma's credit card, and allowed them to waste 5000 zeni on coffee and espressos.  
  
Gohan was the only one to escape this disaster unscathed. He was late getting home from school because Sharpener accidentally blew up one of the science labs, and Gohan had to help put out the fires. As a result, he missed the coffee incident entirely, as well as the aftermath that followed.  
  
***  
  
I don't know if I should continue this story, or just leave it as a one- shot. Let me know what you think. I'll continue if enough people want me to. 


End file.
